my dragon story chapter 11

Sorry, it's been awhile....but here's chapter 11!

Chapter Eleven
“I think that’s the last ingredient,” Abbey said, putting the stopper in a bottle of dragon blood and looked into the cauldron.

“Looks pretty disgusting.....” Satoshi said.

“Oh, quit being so squeamish,” Abbey said. She grabbed the cauldron and dragged it over to Colin and Dylan. “Let’s hope this works.”

“So....how are we going to get them to drink it?” Satoshi asked.

“We give it to them of course.” Abbey said. She reached inside her pocket and grabbed a small spoon. She dipped it in the red, foul-smelling potion and shoved it in Colin’s mouth. Colin coughed and spluttered.

“Wha-what?” He asked. “Oh! Abbey, my true love!!!!!”

“Shut up, Colin,” Abbey said and rolled her eyes. “Give this to your brother.”

“Who’s he???” Colin asked, pointing to Satoshi.

“I’m Satoshi,” Satoshi said. “I’m part of another trio sent by Plintafot who got stuck in here.”

“Now feed this to your brother already and we can get on to Satoshi’s friends!” Abbey said, looking very annoyed now.

“Okay, okay.....” Colin said and gave some of the potion to Dylan. Dylan coughed and looked at Abbey, Satoshi and Colin.

“Abbey? Colin? And.......who are you?” Dylan asked.

“Satoshi,” Satoshi said.

“Ah. Hello. I’m Dylan...” Dylan said.

“He knows that already,” Abbey said, then turned to Satoshi. “Come on, we’ve gotta get this to your friends before the potion wears off on Colin and Dylan.”

“Okay.....” Satoshi said. He slowly picked up the cauldron.

“Need a little help there?” Dylan asked.

“It would be nice....” Satoshi said. Dylan grabbed the other side of the cauldron and together they passed up through the hills and valleys, Colin and Abbey leading the way.

“Abbey, I’m scared. Can you hold my hand?” Colin asked.

“Heck no,” Abbey said. “Scared? In the Paradise Bluffs? Really, Colin.”

“Well....I....I...” Colin said.

“There they are!” Satoshi said.

“Those are your friends?” Dylan asked.

“The black-haired one is Jia, and the brown-haired one is Sabrina,” Satoshi said. He set the heavy cauldron down on the ground and looked hard at Jia. “Jia! Jia! Come on, don’t make me do this!” Satoshi said, shaking Jia. Jia kept staring blankly at the view. Satoshi sighed and stuffed a spoonful of potion down her throat. Jia coughed hard.

“Wha-what happened? Satoshi?? Who are they?” Jia asked.

“Introductions can happen later. Give this to Sabrina. We’ve got a long trek ahead of us,” Satoshi said. He handed Jia a spoonful of the potion and Jia gave it to Sabrina.

“Who? What? Where? When....?” Sabrina asked, coughing and looking around wildly.

“Great, everyone’s up,” Abbey said. “I’m Abbey-Helena, and these are my friends Colin and Dylan. We were the second trio to this world,” She said.

“Oh. Hi,” Sabrina said.

“Nice to meet you!” Jia said.

“Now we have to get out of here before that potion wears off on you guys. I know a special place,” Abbey said and winked. They followed Abbey for quite some time before she came to a big hole in the ground.

“A hole?” Sabrina asked.

“Yes. I’ve been exploring through the long time I’ve been here and this tunnel leads out of the Paradise Bluffs. Let’s go!” Abbey said.

“But....it’s so beautiful here....” Dylan started. His eyes began to mist over.

“Uh-oh! The potion’s wearing off!” Abbey said. She roughly pushed Dylan and Colin into the hole. Sabrina and Jia jumped in after them without hesitation. Then Abbey jumped in. Satoshi took one last look at the beautiful Paradise Bluffs before jumping in after Abbey.

“Ouch!!!!” Sabrina squeaked.

“Sorry.....” Satoshi said and quickly got off of Sabrina.

“Watch where you’re falling, will you?” Sabrina groaned, but Satoshi thought he saw in her eyes a slightly teasing look.

“Come on you guys, we’ve got awhile to walk.” Abbey said. Dylan reached into his bag and pulled out a flashlight. He switched it on and a ball of light appeared on the tunnel walls. The brave team walked down the tunnel without looking back.

"The brave team walked down the tunnel without lookin"...? I believe there's a bit more that didn't get put into the message
You can add it by clicking "edit" at the top of your post.

I liked it. Colin sounds funny, and I look forward to seeing what Dylan is like! The only thing I can really point out is that you still are ending your quotes with periods and not commas... but that's not really so bad. Try to remind yourself not to write like that anymore. I used to write like
"I'm scared." I said.
not
"I'm scared," I said.
like you should and I had to work hard to stop doing that! ><
I can't wait to see what happens next!!!!!!! You are doing very well!