my dragon story chapter 9

Chapter nine! Plz review!!!

Chapter 9
“Over there! Satoshi, I see some bananas. Can you reach them?” Sabrina asked. The trio was out gathering food from the Bluffs so that they would have enough in the desert. Satoshi reached up and grabbed them.

“You know......” Sabrina said thoughtfully as Satoshi handed her the bananas. “You’re not as bad as I thought.”

Satoshi fought back the urge to grin hugely. He simply nodded and said, “Thanks.” Jia gave Satoshi a look.

Heh heh heh......Satoshi’s in loooooove...... Lorig snickered. Satoshi ignored Lorig.

“Let’s look up there.” Sabrina said, pointing to a hill.

“Okay.” Jia said. They climbed up the hill and gasped at the breathtaking view of never-ending green plains. In the distance, they could see a thin white band of snow and some snow-capped mountains.

“Amazing.” Sabrina breathed.

“It’s so gorgeous!” Jia said.

This is the Paradise Bluffs in all their splendor. Lorig said. You have to be really careful not to get so drawn in. I’ve seen creatures waste away here staring at the view.

Waste away? Satoshi thought.

Yup. Lorig said.

“Guys! We should keep looking for food.” Satoshi said.

“But it’s so beautiful......we should sit here for awhile.” Jia said.

“No! Come on you guys!!!” Satoshi said. Jia and Sabrina didn’t respond. Satoshi shook Jia and Sabrina. They still didn’t respond.

Lorig, can you breathe fire? Satoshi asked. Nothing came. Lorig? LORIG!!!!!! Lorig had left his side. Satoshi groaned. One minute he’s here, the next he isn’t. Satoshi thought.

“Sabrina? Jia? Come on, we’ve got to go!!!!” Satoshi groaned.

“That won’t work you know.” A voice said behind him. It was a girl with strawberry-blonde hair that went down to her waist. She had piercing lavender-blue eyes and she was wearing a pale yellow sundress with blue jeans underneath.

“Who......who.....?” Satoshi asked.

“I’m Abbey-Helena.” The girl said. “Plintafot sent you, didn’t he?”

“But.....but....so you’re part of another trio?” Satoshi asked.

“Yes. I’m the only one of my trio able to fend off the irresistibleness of the Bluffs. You seem to be one also.” Abbey-Helena said.

“Can you help me free my friends?” Satoshi asked.

“I’m afraid I can’t. I don’t even know how to save mine.” Abbey-Helena said sadly.

“There has to be some way!” Satoshi said. “There just has to be!”

“I don’t think so.” Abbey-Helena said. She stared at Satoshi. Satoshi suddenly felt as though she was probing through his most private thoughts.

“Who’s Sabrina?” Abbey-Helena asked.

“Wha........how......?” Satoshi asked.

“You’re pretty easy to read.” Abbey-Helena said.

“What do you mean, easy to read?” Satoshi asked.

“I’m psychic. I can read what you’re thinking.” Abbey-Helena said.

“Okay then. What am I thinking?” Satoshi asked. Abbey-Helena stared at Satoshi again.

“You’re thinking about how Sabrina said that you weren’t as bad as the thought and you’re wondering if she has a crush on you, like you do on her.” Abbey-Helena said.

“........but......but........” Satoshi stuttered. “Well....where I come from, reading minds is considered somewhat rude.”

“Sorry. It’s considered that where I’m living too, mostly because nobody else can read minds. I don’t know how I got this ability....it’s really quite strange.” Abbey-Helena said. “So who’s Sabrina?”

“That girl over there....” Satoshi said.

“Which girl?” Abbey-Helena asked.

“I thought you read minds.” Satoshi said.

“I can choose not to read minds. Since you say it’s rude, I’ll stay out of your thoughts.” Abbey-Helena said.

“Thanks.” Satoshi said. “She’s the brown-haired one.” Abbey-Helena walked over to Jia and Sabrina, still frozen solid looking at the view.

“I see. She’s an American girl.” Abbey-Helena said.

“Yeah.” Satoshi said.

“I’m from England.” Abbey-Helena said. “Both of the guys who came with me are Irish. I hope I can free them soon.”

“Why don’t we both try to find some way to help our friends together? Maybe we’ll be more successful that way.” Satoshi said.

“Thanks......Satoshi.” Abbey-Helena said. Satoshi didn’t ask how she knew his name.

Well the only thing I can find wrong is what I've already mentioned in chapter 8: end a quotation with a , not a .
"I'm from England," Abbey-Helena said.
NOT
"I'm from England." Abbey-Helena said.

Also, to keep things lively, try changing it around by writing
"said Abbey-Helena" or
"Abbey-Helena stated" or
"Satoshi queried"
just so it's not as boring as he-said, she-said, ya know?

And I hate to keep asking this, but could you describe things a little more? This time the valley that Jia and Sabrina got so enraptured by... go more in depth! Were the mountains tall or short and squat? Did the fields have flowers in them? Was the sky a clear blue, or did it have puffy clouds floating in it? Just little things like that make it seem all the more real.
Keep up the good work! This chapter was really good.