Stranger Lands - Chapter 1 part 1

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Stranger Lands - Chapter 1 part 1

Post by Moshda on Sun Jan 17, 2010 7:19 pm

(Originally, this was all there was to chapter one, then I merged chapter 2 with it and made it one longer chapter.)
I would appreciate it if anyone could tell me what those machines are that they use in hospitals to jolt dead people with electricity and make them alive again. You'll notice a big __________ where the word is missing, so when you get to that part, you'll know that I just forgot the word Wink

*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
“Ugh, hurry up you guys! We’re gonna be late!” Mary yelled over her shoulder to her four friends Ella, Sarah, Lavender and Junie.
“And just whose fault do you think that is?” Ella yelled back, glaring daggers at Sarah.
“I’m sorry! I already told you my alarm didn’t go off!” Sarah snapped, hitching her backpack up higher.
“Ol’ man Walker’s gonna have our heads,” Ella sighed.
“Oh, these shoes are so hard to run in…” Lavender moaned, and the other girls grunted in agreement.
“I hate our uniforms,” Ella whined, holding down her drab grey and black plaid skirt as a breeze threatened to flip it up. All of them wore identical skirts long black knee-high stockings, black mary-janes, and grey sweater vests over crisply starched white button-up t-shirts. Mary glanced down at her watch and gasped in horror.
“Pedal to the metal! We’ve got five minutes before the last bell!” she shrieked. The girls put on a burst of speed, pounding down the busy New York City sidewalk. Junie, ever the fifth wheel, lagged behind a few paces. They rounded a corner and headed straight for the crosswalk. Only Junie noticed the green “walk” sign changed to an orange “don’t walk” sign, just as Lavender darted out into the street. She cried out in warning, but too late.

What happened next seemed to go ultra-fast, yet in slow-motion at the same time. Lavender heard Junie shout at the same time she had almost reached the middle of the street. She heard engines rev, then there was the squeal of tires to her right. She looked towards the sound to see that a car was coming straight at her! She told her feet to move but she was frozen in place. Next, she heard the scream of tires peeling out and an explosive bam! But she didn’t feel any pain, and she was surrounded by a comforting blackness. Her eyelids drooped shut.
“Maybe… I’ll just… sleep…” she thought incoherently, slipping off into the nothingness.

Meanwhile, traffic screeched to a halt, and her friends ran to her, crying.
“Somebody, call 911!” Junie squeaked and Mary blinked, coming out of the shock to whip out her cell phone. Sirens blaring, the EMTs zipped off to the hospital with Lavender, leaving her friends standing forlornly on the sidewalk with their faces streaked with tears.

Inside the ambulance, Lavender lay still on the gurney, the heart monitor she was hooked to showing nothing but a solid line. One of the EMTs put gel on the paddles of an _______________ machine, preparing to resuscitate.
“Ready,” said another, “stand clear!” They had ripped her shirt open, and one pressed the paddles to her chest. The electric jolt made Lavender’s body jump, but there was no response.
“Again!”
“Ready. Stand clear!”
Another jolt; nothing.
“Again!”
“Ready—stand clear.”
A third jolt, but the steady ‘beeeeee…’ of the heart monitor was the only response.
“She’s dead, poor thing,” one of them said, looking at Lavender’s peaceful face.
“Yep, what a shame,” another agreed sadly, putting the paddles away. At the hospital, they assessed that most of Lavender’s ribs were broken; both of her thighs, and her lungs had collapsed when the car impacted with her.
“Her death was instant,” the doctors assured her heartbroken parents, brothers, and friends. She probably never felt the pain, they said. Now she would sleep peacefully.


Last edited by Moshda on Mon Jan 25, 2010 2:37 pm; edited 2 times in total

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MOSHDA: obsessive hugger since 2003
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Re: Stranger Lands - Chapter 1 part 1

Post by ashketchumlovergirl on Wed Jan 20, 2010 9:52 am

Don don don dooooooooooooooooooooon!!!!! Wow! This was a great chapter! I must figure out what happens to Lavender! @__@ Keep writing!!! ^__^
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Re: Stranger Lands - Chapter 1 part 1

Post by Moshda on Wed Jan 20, 2010 9:53 am

Exciting enough for you?

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Re: Stranger Lands - Chapter 1 part 1

Post by ashketchumlovergirl on Wed Jan 20, 2010 9:54 am

Plenty! Very Happy Keep writing!
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Re: Stranger Lands - Chapter 1 part 1

Post by Hucota7 on Fri Jan 22, 2010 7:08 pm

awesome story so far mosh, i love the suspense. Very Happy cant wait till the next chapter.

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Re: Stranger Lands - Chapter 1 part 1

Post by Moshda on Sat Jan 23, 2010 5:50 pm

Why thank you Huco ^.^ I can't wait to see what happens next either!!!

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Re: Stranger Lands - Chapter 1 part 1

Post by Lillie on Fri May 27, 2011 3:15 pm

It's called and automatic external defibrillator. Yeah.

Why is Lavender the only one who runs out into the street, when Junie was the only one who saw a reason to stop?

She told her feet to move but she was frozen in place.... “Maybe… I’ll just… sleep…” she thought incoherently, slipping off into the nothingness.

You can't tell the story in the third person and say what happens in anyone's mind.

They don't stop after trying just three times to bring someone back, they keep at it.

Great suspense, keep at it!
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