Those with Red Eyes

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Those with Red Eyes

Post by damageko on Thu Jun 16, 2011 1:26 pm

This is a short story I have been working on for a while. It will hopefully be the first in a series of seven short stories, all from different perspectives, but in the same universe. So, please tell me what you think.^^ Thanks!


Those with Red Eyes
“Yoon?” Tak’s voice came clearly through Yoon’s small gray earpiece.
Pressing her fingers to the mic, Yoon whispered, “Yes.”
“You have the go-ahead to proceed with your mission.” Tak hesitated. “And good luck!”
Static filled the headpiece. It made Yoon feel a sense of foreboding, impressing upon her the import and urgency of her mission.
“Thanks, Tak.” Yoon whispered softly, pulling her hand away, and cutting off the static.
Yoon moved slowly to the edge of her cover, a large pile of boulders adjacent to a dusty road. The road was about five feet away and was marked by recent hover trails.
Yoon cautiously shifted her weight forward until her dark red eyes cleared the edge of the boulders. She stared appraisingly at her objective, as she had been doing for the last four hours before getting Tak’s communication. Her objective was several dark buildings grouped together. Most were squat and brown, the rest all gray, expressionless buildings thrusting up into the deep green afternoon sky. The forbidding structures were surrounded by a twenty-foot tall metal wall. The wall formed a complete circle with a quarter mile radius; the surrounding land was flat except for the occasional boulder. Cameras were mounted every ten feet along the compound wall. Yoon knew where they all were thanks to Tak’s observational methods and several reconnaissance missions.
Yoon pulled her head back into the deep shadows. There she made herself comfortable. She might have permission to continue, but she couldn’t get in unless a hoverer passed. So, there she sat covered by a thin layer of pink and white dust, nestled between two heavy dark rocks, out of view of the camera mounted to her right.
The white sun had just barely kissed the horizon when she heard the slight buzzing sound. She leaned forward and squinted at the place where the dusty road touched the sky. It took her several seconds of searching the dust for her to see the fast moving gray dot speeding along the road, sending up huge plumes of pinkish white dust behind it. The buzzing sound became louder as the hoverer speeded forward, the sound strangely loud and alien in the infinitely silent plains.
Yoon stood up slowly, and, pressing her back against the rock so as to be hidden from the rapidly approaching hoverer, she slowly edged to the end of the boulder pile stopping just before the shadow’s edge. She was four long steps away from the road now.
The hoverer slowed to a running pace as it entered the one mile camera radius around the compound. It was one of the newer models, a sleek, low silver triangle, about ten feet at its base. She noted with relief the flight bars on the back and bottom of the hoverer. That would make things much easier.
She tensed as the hoverer approached. If she did not get this just right, she probably would not get a second try. She dove at the hoverer as it passed. She had judged it so that she would have a good chance of catching the very back bars and be completely out of the driver’s peripheral vision. Her hands closed on the white hot silver metal bar that had been baking in the sun for hours. Thankful for the insulating gloves she wore, Yoon pulled her legs out of the hoverer’s slipstream, and managed to tuck herself between the anti-G panels at its bottom.
The hoverer didn’t take long to arrive at the compound gates. There, she heard voices, and the gates were opened. It stopped again on the other side. This time she saw dust caked boots approach. She held her breath, wondering how thoroughly the sentry would search. Yoon pressed herself into the depression between the anti-G panels. She saw a gun and the lower half of a man’s face. Yoon held perfectly still. His eyes were probably adjusted to the sun light and not the deep shadow under the hoverer, for the gun disappeared and so did the man. She relaxed, letting her arms and legs loosen.
After the rest of the hoverer was searched, Yoon heard voices again and the hoverer moved off in the direction of one of the low, brown buildings. Once inside, it parked not far from the entrance. Then she heard the sound of its occupants disembarking. She waited until the echoing of their voices had faded and then dropped to the ground in a crouch.
Keeping low, she checked the hoverer’s interior. Yoon swiveled so that her back was to the hoverer and scanned the room for cameras. She stood in a low, dimly illuminated room. The original floor was hidden under a thick layer of pinkish sand. Hoverers were parked all along the walls. Some had their anti-G panels disabled for long term storage and laid deeply nestled into the cushioning sand. The objects of her search where located at either end of the long room. One covered a small machine shop at the back, and the other the exit. Yoon contemplated the offending devices; it was too early in the mission to reveal her presence.
Yoon’s eyes wandered up to the ceiling of the low room; it was a mass of crisscrossing metal struts. She chose a large boxy hoverer close to the entrance and scrabbled her way up to the top just behind the driver’s seat. Crouching so that her head did not bang into one of the struts, Yoon plotted out a path to a spot behind the camera. With a deep breath, she reached for the first strut.
It took her seconds to span the ridged metal web until she hung above and behind the camera, that was mounted on the side of the entrance and didn't cover the ceiling. Yoon hooked her legs around a strut. Letting go with her arms, she slowly lowered herself until she hung upside down. The upper half of her face just cleared the entrance’s lintel.
The entrance to the building was in deep shadow. Everything was silent, and the only sign of life came from a small construct built next to the compound wall. Yoon thought she saw the man that had searched the hoverer, sitting on a stool facing the entrance. Surprisingly, Yoon saw only two cameras situated on either side of the gate to the compound, with the rest of the buildings appearing camera free.
Yoon pulled herself up and reversed position, now hanging by her arms from a particularly thick strut. She started swinging back and forth to build up momentum, careful to keep her legs from entering the camera’s view. On the forward swing, Yoon pushed off, flying through the air and landing with a jolt outside of the camera’s range. She froze in the dust that had accompanied her acrobatic landing. Nothing moved; no one had noticed her. Yoon warily stood up, orientating herself as she did. She had memorized the 3D map that Tak had worked up, so locating the building she was looking for took only seconds. Yoon melted into the shadows as she closed in on her goal, one of the taller gray buildings near the center of the compound.
Yoon made for the ventilation grates at the back of the tall gray edifice, where the shadows were deepest. When she got there, Yoon pried off the fine mesh covering the grate with a short, thin knife. The next part of the ventilation system was a fan sucking the air up and blowing it into the building. Tendrils of brown hair that had escaped from Yoon’s low pony tail danced in front of her face, pulled forward by the air rushing into the shaft.
Yoon stabbed her blade into the whirling fan. There was a high-pitched whine that was cut off when she yanked the fan off its mountings, leaving a furiously whirling gear behind. Yoon watched it carefully. If anyone had noticed the split second red light on the ventilation system, the fan propulsion would stop. She waited for a full minute then pulled the outside grating back into place. Squeezing past the fan, she slashed her way through the dust clogged filter into the tunnel, then switched on a small light at the base of her knife.
The light illuminated a vertical shaft that seemed to rise into infinity above her. Yoon stood, pushed the knife blade back into its hilt and placed it back in her belt, then began the long ascent.
At what she judged to be the tenth floor, she pulled her knife blade out again and pried open the grate. Her vantage point was up near the ceiling at the end of an empty silent hallway. The walls, ceiling, and floors were all made out of dull gray metal. Yoon slithered through the tiny opening and into the deserted corridor, landing with a soft thump that reverberated off the bare surfaces all around her. She froze for a moment then padded silently toward a turn in the hallway. She needed more information; she knew only the location of the building, not the exact whereabouts of her objective inside it.
Yoon heard a soft click. She pressed herself to the wall. Taking out her knife again, she edged it out from behind the corner. In the reflection, Yoon could make out someone’s back and a door. The person opened the door and stepped in, leaving the door open behind them. Yoon saw objects wrapped up in bright yellow preservation material, a storage room. It was a deserted room, perfect for an interrogation.
She carefully judged the position of the door. Then, she whirled around the corner and dashed into the storage room, sliding the door closed behind her. The person already in the room slowly turned around. Yoon swiftly placed her short sharp blade next to the person’s neck and gasped.
She was staring into large, dark green eyes. They were the exact same color of the sky at noon, deep, alien and powerful. Yoon had seen green eyes before but none like these. They were like hers in a way, unmarred by any other color- no hint of hazel around the pupil, no slight streaking of blue, only green, one solid, pure color.
The owner of the disconcerting eyes shifted, snapping Yoon out of her frozen contemplation and back to the task at hand. She tightened her grip on the knife and appraised the strange girl standing before her. She looked about fourteen or fifteen and stood at least six inches shorter than Yoon. She had short, dark brown hair and a round, childish face that was offset by the authoritative set of her chin and eyes. She wore a dark jumpsuit like Yoon’s except that her gloves were fingerless, the boots seemed a little too big, and the belt was much thinner.
Yoon cleared her throat and concentrated completely on the girl, the beat of her heart, the emotion on her face.
“What floor is this?” she asked.
“The eleventh,” the girl replied. Yoon felt no lie in her words.
“What floor are the I-discs on?”
The girl grinned, amusement twinkling in her strange eyes. “The sky is blue. My name is Demi. The I-discs are on the thirty-third floor, room 15B.”
Yoon made no outward sign of shock, but inside she reeled. This girl was not lying; she had shown complete sincerity in her heartbeat and face.
The girl’s grin broadened, and she pointed to a bare gray wall. Yoon slowly swiveled bringing the girl with her, so that she could see the wall and keep an eye on her. The storage room must have been a conference room once upon a time because there on the wall was a floor plan drawn in white.
“Floor thirty-three,” The girl read aloud. “Information storage.”
Yoon bound the girl’s hands and feet with the stringy preservation material. Then she closed the storage room’s sliding door and jammed her knife into the door opening panel, sealing the girl with the green eyes inside. Yoon knew that if she was anything like herself, it would not take her long to work her way out, but, by then, Yoon hoped to be well out of danger.
The climb up the airshaft seemed to take forever, but finally Yoon reached the thirty-third floor grate. There she slipped into a hallway similar to the one on the eleventh floor, except for the doors running along both walls. The one closest to her read 60B. Yoon padded down the implacable gray hallway, becoming more and more edgy as the numbers slowly decreased. She stopped in front of a door marked 15B. Yoon tapped the door panel, a light flashed red. Sighing, Yoon pulled out her knife and pried off the panel covering revealing a tangled mass of wires. She reached in and disabled the locking mechanism. As the door slid open, Yoon heard an eerie high-pitched shriek. For a normal person it was barely on the edge of hearing, but for Yoon it was a piercing siren. An alarm! She quickly closed and locked 15B behind her.
She was in a large, high ceilinged room. Floor to ceiling shelves stood all along three walls leaving a small space for a black metal desk near the far wall. Yoon’s focus was on the high shelves, where small white discs were nestled into dark brown boxes. Hurriedly she began scanning the numbers beneath each box.
“10029, 10030, 10031,” Yoon whispered to herself. “10032, there!” She quickly pulled the box off the shelf and removed a small disc about the size of Yoon’s palm. It said in stark, black letters, Those with Red Eyes. Yoon gasped, but before she could take in the reality of what it meant, there came a hiss from the previously locked door.
In an instant Yoon pocketed the disc, and leaped toward the desk. She hit the small blue button just as the door whooshed open. Shades along the blank wall slid aside letting in bright shafts of afternoon sunlight, blinding the people pushing through the doorway. Yoon caught a flash of silky blond hair and squinting red eyes before she whipped out her knife and flicked a switch at the base. She slashed at the plasti-glass with the humming blade. When it made contact with the window, the panel in front of her shattered, flying out in all directions. The shards slashed gashes all along her knife hand and across her cheek and thighs. Yoon only had a moment to judge the distance to the next building before she leaped.
The rooftop Yoon was aiming for was at least three stories down and twenty feet away. She had never managed to jump this far before, and it felt like flying. Yoon landed at the very edge of the rooftop, rolling away to lessen the impact. She stood shakily. Her left ankle didn’t feel quite right, and her knees were bruised, but apart from that the landing had been almost painless! A gunshot sounded from the building behind her, forcing Yoon into action. She jumped to the next building.
So…Nuu had switched sides. Nuu had been one of the ones with red eyes that Yoon had known. She had gone missing on a mission several months ago. But it still didn’t explain why the I-disc she had been sent to steal had been labeled, ‘Those with Red Eyes’. Nuu hadn’t known more than Yoon or Tak, so how did they find enough information to fill an entire I-disc?
Yoon hit the sandy ground and began running toward the compound wall. Gun shots continued behind her, then the sound of running feet and a thump. Yoon whirled around; she felt the cold metal of a gun pressed to her head, then a gun shot.
“You weren’t supposed to kill her!”
“Yes, miss.”
“This is going to cause trouble for me, the higher ups and especially you!”
“I’m sorry miss.”
Yoon opened her eyes, but the sunlight was too bright. So she closed them again and listened.
“Well, at least you stopped her.” That was Nuu. “I commend you for your speed and quick thinking, not many humans have been able to kill Those with Red Eyes.”
Those with Red Eyes…..Yoon remembered her mission and felt for the I-disc. It was still there. Her head felt heavy, and a place up near her hairline throbbed. Yoon opened her eyes again. The light still seemed unusually bright for late afternoon. Squinting, she saw Nuu yelling at the guard again, the wall was so close, only a quick sprint away. Yoon checked on Nuu, she was still occupied with the guard, but she could see more people running from buildings behind them. It was now or never!
Yoon vaulted to her feet, turned and sprinted for the wall. She was slightly unsteady on her feet and her head felt heavy, but she ignored it and made it to the wall without getting shot again. The gate was now about forty feet to her left. Yoon began her mad dash to freedom. Bullets whizzed by her. One grazed her leg, making her stumble, but she managed to regain her momentum.
She was running along the wall. Snipers could easily estimate her position while moving. Yoon cursed herself for being so stupid. She had more experience than this! All of a sudden, the gunfire stopped. Yoon had reached the gate. Slowly she turned to face Nuu who had been running in her wake.
“You’re cornered!” Nuu panted. “The walls are too high to jump, and the gates are too strong to break though.” Yoon’s only response was to wipe the sweat and blood out of her eyes.
“This is the end of the line, lab miracle, the strongest one still alive.” Nuu said bitterly as the guards behind her caught up and surrounded them.
“It all comes back to jealousy in the end, doesn’t it, Nuu?” Yoon sighed. “I don’t want to be envied by anyone, especially by Those with Red Eyes. I’m not actually that strong, I’m just……lucky?”
Nuu was staring at her with contempt. “Give me the I-disc.” she said in a low, dangerous tone.
“What’s on it?” Yoon asked, focusing all her attention on Nuu.
“I don’t know.” She answered. Not a lie.
“So, they don’t tell you mu-“
“Oh please!” Nuu interrupted. “Like anyone told us anything at the base. We were just tools. Doing things for reasons we didn’t know.”
“But they are still our creators, the people who brought us into this world. We still owe them a debt.” Yoon said. “A debt we still need to pay.”
Nuu’s anger boiled over. “A debt!?” she half yelled. “A debt!? We’re their tools, their slaves! We’ve been enslaved for all our lives! All sixteen years! You, me, Tak, Lir, Wy, all of us!” Then suddenly switching to a calm, cold voice, she said, “If I could go back in time, I would kill the monster that created us!”
Yoon turned her back on Nuu; a cold emptiness had descended upon her. ‘I would kill the monster that created us.’ “Nuu” She whispered, so low that only Nuu’s hypersensitive ears could pick it up. “If you stay here, you’re as much of a slave as I am.” With that Yoon leapt to the top of the guard house and jumped high over the wall, leaving Nuu and the guards to scramble in pursuit.
Yoon landed hard on the outside of the compound. At the sudden jolt her head felt lighter and something hit the sand. She stared at the red bullet driven halfway into the dusty ground. So that was why it had hardly bled. As she thought this, a hot red mask seemed to cascade down the left side of her face. Yoon staggered. Loss of blood, she had to get out of there. Clamping one hand over her wound, she ran.
Yoon knew she didn’t have much time. Hoverers would soon be streaming out of the compound gates to search for her. Luckily for Yoon, her getaway was close at hand. Yoon had slowed to a fast walk, scanning the sand and dust in front of her. Her head wound still bled, but much less than before. Yoon thanked all the people who had had a hand in her creation that they had given her accelerated regenerative power or she would have already collapsed from blood loss.
Yoon stopped over a non-descript spot. She began digging. In seconds she started to uncover a thick, plasti-glass hatch. Yoon reached down and tapped six times on it. There was a pause, and then it slid open revealing a short drop to a catwalk below. She slid in, and the hatch closed behind her.
She was in a small dome, seemingly made of sand. At its base a complicated apparatus took up most of the space. A girl stood near a control panel. She turned when she heard Yoon land on the catwalk.
“Yoon!” She exclaimed.
Yoon vaulted the catwalk railing and landed right in front of the girl. She was a head shorter than Yoon. Her hair was sandy blond and spiky. Her face was round with a smattering of freckles across her cheeks and nose and her eyes were a light red, almost pink.
“Hey Tak.” Yoon said pulling stray locks of hair out of her eyes “I got the I-disc. The mission is a success. Please hurry up and contact them so we can get…..Tak?” Tak was staring at her hairline with a look of horror on her face.
“Ouch?” She asked, touching her forehead.
“Oh.” Yoon said touching the same spot. “One of them shot me straight on; thankfully it didn’t go all the way through my skull. Now, please call!”
Tak turned and, pressing a few buttons, began speaking into a microphone. “Mission is a success. I repeat. Mission is a success. Now requesting pick up.”
“Pick up has been sent out” a bossy male voice answered. “It should be there in five minutes.”
Tak switched off the microphone and slowly turned to face Yoon. They both had identical expressions of shocked horror.
“He lied.” Tak whispered. Yoon could only nod; she too, had felt the insincerity in the man’s voice.
“Why?” Tak breathed, still shell shocked.
Yoon came to a decision. Instead of answering, she began to search the apparatus in the center of the small dome, until she located what she was looking for. It was a set of red controls, and without hesitating punched a red button labeled ‘UP’. The deep roar of an engine began beneath the floor of the small dome. Tak lost her balance and fell to her knees. Yoon held tight to the controllers, keeping an eye on the top of the dome as they rose through layers of pink and white sand. Soon the dark green sky was visible. As the last of the sand slid off, Yoon punched another button and slowly eased down on a lever. The transparent plasti-glass dome split in two and slid slowly into the platform.
“Yoon, what-? “
Yoon didn’t let Tak finish her question. Grabbing her arm, she hauled her off the platform and dropped down to the dusty ground.
“Hurry, we don’t have much time until they spot this.” Yoon said, pulling Tak toward another object that had risen with them. Once she reached it, Yoon opened the hatch and pushed Tak in.
“But Yoon, this is a one person transport. We can’t both fit!”
“I’m not going.” Yoon said, pushing the small white disc into Tak’s hand. Yoon slammed the hatch and locked it. She could still see Tak crying though the plasti-glass window, ever the nice one, Tak; sometimes comrades had to be left behind.
Yoon dashed back to the platform. The lever was at the back of the apparatus. She hesitated, then flipped it. The transport left, leaving her behind.
As the hoverers and gun men closed in, Yoon closed her eyes, letting the last rays of white sun light illuminate her face. She knew why they had not sent the pickup. This must have been her last job. They knew she would save Tak and the I-disc; they knew she would never tell her captors anything.
Yoon had been disposed of.










Last edited by damageko on Sat Jul 02, 2011 1:02 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Those with Red Eyes

Post by Lillie on Thu Jun 16, 2011 5:00 pm

“You have the go-ahead to proceed with your mission.” She hesitated. “And good luck!”

This is a bit confuseing, I thought it was Yoon talking at first but that doesn't make any sense, so I had to stop and realize that it was Tak, which pulled me out of the story. Saying Tak instead of she here would clear that up.

At that moment Yoon was yanked off her feet by the fast moving vehicle.

I thought she was already off her feet.

It was one of the newer models, a sleek, low silver triangle, as wide as her stretched out arms at its base.

If it's that small wouldn't they be able to feel it as she jumped on?

The reason she could do this without being spotted was because the camera was mounted on the side of the entrance and not the ceiling itself.

Very wordy and unclear. Couldn't you just say, 'The camera was mounted on the side of the entrance and didn't cover the ceiling.' or something.

dark green eyes. They were the exact same color of the sky at noon ... “The sky is blue." ... This girl was not lying; she had shown complete sincerity in her heartbeat and face.

Is this put here on purpose?


Thank you for not over explaining the technology. Very well written overall, I really care for your characters. Good job!
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Re: Those with Red Eyes

Post by damageko on Sat Jul 02, 2011 1:16 pm

Thanks for the help! ^^ The last part of your comment about green eyes and blue skies, its ok! I meant to do that, when I get around to writing the other six short stories it will make complete sense, anyway sorry about the confusion. Here is a link to some of my drawings of the main characters of Those with Red Eyes. http://damage-ko.deviantart.com/#/d3kolri
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Re: Those with Red Eyes

Post by Lillie on Sat Jul 02, 2011 10:19 pm

Glad to help! *looks at drawings* Wow! Those are really good.
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Re: Those with Red Eyes

Post by damageko on Mon Jul 11, 2011 10:50 pm

sorry! I had to edit the picture, here is the link http://damage-ko.deviantart.com/#/d3lnqj2
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