Truce

Go down

Truce

Post by Zach S on Mon Aug 30, 2010 9:51 pm

okay im not the best at writing but everyone whose read it said it was good
Truce

I stood there watching the front lawn from inside of the mansion. I am Zack Truce, and I’m 18. I’m about 6’2, dirty blonde hair, a scar on my arm, and I always wear a black muscle shirt with blue jeans and a black trench coat. I saw Kari out there playing with Rex and Bones. They were our security Doberman dogs and enjoyed to play with Kari.
Kari Truce was my younger sister, only 15. She was 5’7 and had bright blonde hair. She always wore a tank top with a thin jacket over it that was about two times to small for her.
I laughed as the dogs tackled her. I saw her giggle and I turned away and looked towards the weight room to see Manny lifting weights again. He was 16 and always wanted to be stronger. He was 5’11 and had dark brown hair. He gave me thumbs up and I returned it.
I walked through the mansion until I got to the garage. I peered in only to find what I expected. Leon was working on the mustang again. He always said it needed improvement. He was Manny’s twin and he looked almost like Manny, except you could always find a grease stain on Leon and you could see Manny’s muscles.
I smiled and walked away quietly. I walked into the living room and saw Zeke watching TV. He was the baby of our family. He was only 13, golden hair, and could take a slug and return it twice as hard. I looked at the TV and saw him watching another anime, his favorite thing to watch.
“I’m headed out,” I smiled, “Got to cash in another check.” He turned his head just too where he could look at me from the corner of his eye.
“Don’t get shot Bro, and take someone this time,” he said and I nodded. He always acted like the leader and tried to keep the rest of us out of trouble.
I went back in the garage. “Leon, my keys,” I said. He knew what I meant and tossed me a key. I opened the garage and jumped onto my motor cycle. I put the key in and put on my sunglasses. Kari always said I looked like Blade when I put them on. I took off and waved to Kari, only to have her stop me.
“I’m going with you Zack,” she said and she got on, “You’re going to get lost on the way to the bank.”
“How did you know that was where I was going?” I asked. She grinned slyly. Did I mention she was wicked smart? She has the mansion wired.
I smiled to her and I started going again. We were in Downtown L.A. and we were going through traffic. Didn’t bother me much though, I see a small space and I go for it. We dodged through L.A. rush hour and reached the bank.
I got off and smiled to Kari. “You ready?” She nodded and we went in. I looked to the right corner of the bank and saw three of my friends. I went over and smiled. “Ok guys lets do this,” I said and they nodded. The big guy was Jacuar. He was excellent in one of our main objects within our line of work. He was 18 just like me.
The two girls were Dinorah and Alyssa. Alyssa made the plans and helped us through the job, she, while Dinorah was very handy with doors. They were both 18 as well.
They all nodded and we walked up to the teller window. The lady smiled at us. “How may I help you?” she asked in a kind voice. It almost made me feel bad for what I was about to do. So I lowered my head and said what I always say.
“Dear God, lord in heaven, please forgive me for the wrongs I have done,” I said quietly as I reached into my trench coat, “and for those, I’m about to do.” I pulled out Ebony and Ivory, my two pistols. The lady stared in horror and screamed.
I turned and saw Jacuar pull out two Uzi’s and Dinorah pull out a sawn off shotgun. Alyssa gave the lady a potato sack and demanded she put money in it. Kari had pulled out a 9mm and knocked out the guard with the butt of her gun.
Oh, did I forget to mention? The Truce family isn’t just your average group of orphans. We are the most feared gang in L.A.
avatar
Zach S
Civilian
Civilian

Male Posts : 21

Back to top Go down

Re: Truce

Post by ashketchumlovergirl on Tue Aug 31, 2010 7:34 am

I like it! It's very interesting...are you going to continue on this? Very Happy
avatar
ashketchumlovergirl
Civilian
Civilian

Female Location : In your head!
Posts : 32

Back to top Go down

Re: Truce

Post by Zach S on Tue Aug 31, 2010 5:05 pm

Already have, here's chapter 2, i was just waiting to seee if anyone liked the first chapter

Chapter 2


I put the gun at the lady’s head and demanded she put money into it. She began to sob as she put money in. I looked to the back and saw a vault.
“Jacuar, you and Dinorah get the vault open and take what you can!” I yelled and they went right for it.
Jacuar put a C4 charge on the door and ran back “Get down!” he yelled and pressed a button. The explosion knocked the lady down, but she was fine. It made me take a step back so I could keep my balance.
They walked in. “Uh, Zack!” I heard Dinorah yell. I motioned for Kari to watch the guard and went to the vault.
“What now Dino…” I stopped mid sentence to the sight of the L.A.P.D. sitting in the vault pointing guns at us. I couldn’t help but to chuckle. “Is this what you needed help with?” I asked Dinorah and raised my guns before the police could react and started to pull the triggers rapidly.
They all went down easily. I looked to the back and saw the vault was empty. “Ok, so this was a stupid robbery,” I said and walked out of the vault. I saw the guard start to wake up and as I walked by I kicked him in the head knocking him out again.
I heard sirens and Jacuar already put my bike in the back of his suburban. I climbed in the driver’s seat and turned the car on and when everyone hopped in I floored it.
I turned to see Kari holding the bag of money and she was counting it. “How much did we score Kari?” I asked while dodging traffic.
“So far we are up to four thousand,” she replied and I slammed my fist into the dash board.
darn police messed up this robbery. Our usual robberies end up with ten bags and we usually score up to a hundred thousand within the first bag.


“Seven thousand dollars in all,” I said and Michigan shook his head. His real name was Darius Jackson, we all called him Michigan because of his jacket that said ‘Michigan’ on the back. “We need to find out who is watching my every move and tipping off the police.”
“Is that why you called me?” Michigan asked. Michigan was skinny (but tough!), dark skinned, and had a star shaved into the right side of his hair.
“Of course, you’re my best man,” I said smiling, “When me and you team up we can hunt anyone down, and kill anyone we see.”
“That’s true,” He answered and smiled back. “So, what should I bring?” he asked.
“Your favorite buddy,” I said and we shook hands. “Your recent act of treason against Truce will now be ignored. You are now reinstated into the Truce family.” That’s something else that makes Truce special. We don’t consider ourselves a gang. We consider ourselves as a family.
“Okay,” he said jamming his hands into his pockets, “When do we leave?”
“We leave now,” I said then had a thought. “Say, don’t you owe me a car?” I asked. He smiled and dangled some keys in front of me. “Where is it?” he pointed behind him and my mouth dropped open.
avatar
Zach S
Civilian
Civilian

Male Posts : 21

Back to top Go down

Re: Truce

Post by Zach S on Wed Sep 01, 2010 11:55 pm

Chapter 3

I was drooling over the black Viper. It had skulls painted into the sides and the hood had a skull with crossbones. It had some awesome rims. It had leather seats, but best of all, it had the Truce crest on the back so cops would know who they lost.
I jumped into the driver’s seat and Michigan got in the passenger seat with his UMP-45’s. I was still admiring at the car when Michigan tapped my shoulder.
“Press this button,” he said and pointed to the blue one. I pushed it and the cup holders went into the car and a katana came out. It was just an average one, but I could still do damage with it.
“Very nice,” I said while I ran a finger down the blade. I looked at my finger as blood came out of the small cut the sword had made. I smiled and put the car in gear and drove out of the warehouse Michigan called home when he had to hide out.
“Okay, word on the street is that some small new gang works as informants for the police,” Michigan began, “In return they get all the breaks.”
“So we are looking for a group of snitches?” I asked as I turned down 13th Street.
“Basically, yes,” he said and pointed to the left as we came up to Ward Avenue. I turned and then he pointed to an alley way and I stopped the car. I picked the katana up by the hilt, put it in the sheath strapped to my back, and jumped out of the car. Michigan put his UMP-45’s behind him making it look like he had his hands clasped behind his back.
We walked down the alley and about twelve guys were sitting against the alley walls. They smiled as they pulled out aluminum bats and switch blades. I chuckled to myself and the biggest guy stepped off the wall and came up to me. He stood maybe 3 inches taller than me.
“What’s so funny?” he said and pushed me a little. “Well funny guy?” He laughed and so did the other eleven. I laughed out loud this time and acted like I was going to scratch my head and quickly gripped the sword and pulled it up to the guy’s neck.
“I’m laughing at you bunch of snitches,” I said. I pulled up my right sleeve to show my tattoo of the Truce symbol and the guy turned white. The others started to turn so they could run, but Michigan brought up his UMP-45’s. They stopped, all of them pale.
“We don’t like snitches,” Michigan said, “and Zack here completely hates them.”
“I especially don’t like snitches who tell the cops what my family does,” I said and brought the blade closer to his neck. I saw blood seeping from the very small cut I had made. “Do you enjoy pain?” I asked as he shook his head no. “Good,” I pushed the blade right through his neck.
I saw his head fall to the ground. I smiled as his body fell to the ground, limp. Everything happened in slow motion after that. The others took off, but bullets swarmed after them killing them all. My smile grew wider and wider. Each time one fell, it grew. The smile spread from ear to ear and I walked back down the alley.
I got into the front seat of the car. I stared down the alley and saw all the dead bodies and laughed hysterically. I pushed the pedal to the floor and drove while laughing. I wanted to stop, but I couldn’t. I kept laughing and when I turned to the left I saw a car coming right at us. Then I closed my eyes.
I heard metal crunching, the squeal of tires and the sound of glass breaking. I couldn’t move and I couldn’t open my eyes.
















Chapter 4

I opened my eyes slowly and saw that I was in a room with black colored walls. I looked to my right with my sight still blurry and saw Michigan lying on the ground next to me still unconscious. I tried to move my hand but something was restraining them. That’s when I noticed the ropes around Michigan’s wrists.
I stood using the wall to help me up and saw that I wasn’t in jail, but captured by someone else. I moved my heel slightly to the left and felt my knife still there. Thank God they didn’t take that.
I moved both wrists to my shoe and pulled the knife out and cut the ropes. Just as I finished, someone was unlocking the door, and they were probably carrying some heat.
I clenched the ropes and put my knife in my back pocket. There were only three Asian guys who walked in, but two had shotguns. Glad I hid my knife.
“So, this is the great Truce and Jackson?” the unarmed man asked and Michigan finally woke up.
“Untie us and we’ll show you the great Truce and Jackson,” Michigan said as he stood. The guy got mad at that and smacked him hard. Course, as I know, Michigan didn’t take that one lightly. He landed a roundhouse kick on the guys face.
They took their guns off me and pointed them at Michigan and I took hold of the opportunity. I threw the knife at one and stabbed him in the head and tackled the other. Michigan grabbed the knife, cut the ropes and grabbed the dead guy’s shotgun and pointed it at the unarmed guy, all in three seconds.
I knocked the other guy out and took his shotgun, and of course I killed him. Michigan stood the unarmed guy up and pointed the shotgun in his face.
“Well Mr. Truce, any questions for the idiot?” he asked and moved the shotgun and pressed the barrel hard against the guys throat.
“Yeah a couple Michigan,” I said and stared at the guy, “First off who are you?”
“Like I would tell you!” he yelled and I punched him in the face and he spit out blood, “Okay, okay, I am Jung Lee,” he said and wiped the blood from his mouth. “I came from the Yakuza,” he said and smiled.
“That’s supposed to scare us?” Michigan asked and laughed, but I didn’t. I backed against a wall thinking of what happened in my past with the Yakuza.

“Momma! Look at me!” I shouted as I did a back flip. She smiled and clapped her hands.
“Good job Zack!” She said and Manny and Leon tried to do the same thing. They fell and Kari laughed at them.
I ran over to Zeke. He was only seven but he could take me on. I picked him up and tackled him on the grass. He jumped up and got on my back. I fell back and toppled on him.
That’s when I saw the black helicopters. There were two of them and they were headed towards the mansion. I turned and saw mom and dad pull out two guns and shoot at the copters they landed on our front yard.
Men in white suits began climbing out and started to shoot at mom and dad. Kari was next to mom and I did the first thing that came to mind. I ran and tackled Kari and covered her so she wouldn’t get hit. I got scraped by a bullet.
I looked to see my arm bleeding. I looked the other way to see my mom and dad lying on the ground motionless. They were dead. I saw a shadow looming over me and turned. Usually when I remembered this I could never see his face, this time I did.
It was Jung Lee.
avatar
Zach S
Civilian
Civilian

Male Posts : 21

Back to top Go down

Re: Truce

Post by Delilah Roze on Thu Sep 02, 2010 1:23 pm

I've only read the first chapter, but it looks good so far! Not the kind of genre I'd usually read, but I enjoyed it! I like how you described the characters' looks right away, so we can picture them in our heads as we read.

One thing: try to make sure you keep the same tense throughout the story. You switched a little bit from past tense to present.
avatar
Delilah Roze
Civilian
Civilian

Female Location : Somewhere Over The Rainbow
Posts : 62

Back to top Go down

Re: Truce

Post by Zach S on Thu Sep 02, 2010 6:40 pm

i know i made it that way cuz imma jump from past to present alot in the story
avatar
Zach S
Civilian
Civilian

Male Posts : 21

Back to top Go down

Re: Truce

Post by Zach S on Thu Sep 02, 2010 6:45 pm

Chapter 5

My face changed from fear to anger as I came back to reality. I shoved Michigan away and punched Jung in the face repeatedly until he fell to the ground. Then I stomped on his face until Michigan pulled me away. I saw his face covered in blood as he sobbed and sobbed. I threw Michigan off and took his shotgun.
I pointed it at Jung’s face as he begged for mercy. “This is for Mary and Kenneth,” I said their names and he stopped suddenly and looked up at me.
“How do you know Mary and Kenneth?” he asked. Then I fired the gun without answering. He brains splattered across the room.
“Who are Mary and Kenneth?” Michigan asked standing slowly.
“My parents….” I said softly and tears rolled down my cheeks. I looked out the door and saw we were in a shed. “C’mon lets go.”
We walked out and climbed into a suburban they had hit us with. We didn’t speak to each other all the way to the mansion.

When we got there Kari jumped up and hugged Michigan. I laughed at them. Kari had a huge crush on him. Michigan was the life of the party for the family.
We went into the garage and he told Leon the spark plugs he used weren’t as good as another brand. We walked into the gym and he told Manny that he should try going a couple rounds with me. We walked into the living room and he gave Zeke a new anime movie.
I smiled and walked into the video game room to see Damiel and Yoselin playing a game. Damiel was winning, no surprise. They were both 18, Damiel was black, skinny, and insane in a fight. Yoselin was tan, short and handy with a gun. She was also the looker of our family.
“Hey guys,” I said as I walked up to them, “How’s it hanging?”
“Pretty good Zack,” Damiel said still mashing buttons.
Yoselin turned and looked at me with the Help me look. I smacked Damiel across the back of his head and covered his eyes, just long enough for Yoselin to win.
“Thank you Zack,” she said and hugged me. I hugged back and told them to come with me.
I walked through the living room and went to the armory and found the people I needed. Jacuar and Dinorah were arguing about weapon choice, again, and Alyssa was polishing her sniper rifle, her prized gun. I whistled and they all stopped and looked at me.
“Let’s move it you three!” I shouted and they grabbed their guns and followed. Yoselin grabbed her MTAR-21 and Damiel picked up a SAW. I mean Damiel with a SAW and Yoselin with an MTAR-21? I would be scared of them.
I walked out to the SUV and everyone piled in. Yoselin sat in the passenger seat and the others climbed into the back. I got into the drivers seat and turned the SUV on. I put it in gear and drove away from the mansion.
“So, where are we going?” Jacuar asked.
“To get even,” I said in a low tone and everyone remained silent. They all knew when I wanted to get even I was pissed. And believe me, I was.
avatar
Zach S
Civilian
Civilian

Male Posts : 21

Back to top Go down

Re: Truce

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Back to top


 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum